TURNING TABLES

How could this happen on my watch? If only I was a psychic! 

Ok scratch that. I am just being a drama queen.

Was I not good enough? Was it my morning breath? Or did I fart in my sleep? My constant nagging for attention?

I just couldn’t figure out why he would cheat on me, yeah I said it. He cheated on me. But why?

 

As I sit here, a thousand and one things running through my mind, 26 young and vibrant, killer body, a thriving career, Beautiful and all that.

 

January 2014 and am single. What sort of bad luck is this nah. How did I let this happen?

 

With tears mingled with sweat streaming down my cheek,Adele’s “turning tables” playing in the background, I replay the last 2years of my life and those memories only made me want to tear my heart out. I turn the music player off and head to my kitchen to fix myself a hot cup of chocolate in my pink pajamas that has cute bunnies all over it(heart break attire).

I will get over it, I usually do. But how long will it continue?

 

Ngozi,chidinma,monica and queen all got married last year (2013), I was everyone’s maid of honor. And I never even caught the bouquet when it was thrown sef, not even one.

 

Reality calls me now and I must answer, Desperation has never been known to bring forth any results, I would rather go back and rehash this unfortunate event that has plagued all my relationships.

 

I can’t call all men dogs, cause I haven’t slept with all and I sure won’t cause I love my sanity. I choose to respect myself and deal with me first, all this emotional baggage I am carrying might be the reason it happened to me, or the fact that I continue to fall for looks,money rather than virtues and stability.

 

Whichever way, I won’t forget to remember the creator, and give him a piece of my mind. I am not religious or anything, I just want to crave for him other than the senseless craze for chocolate, sex and money.

 

I know you are thinking, what if a guy comes now? Well he now has to pass thru a secure channel to get to my heart, cause I no longer have it.

 

Till then, I wish to continue loving me. Dates are always welcome, once in a while I hope to go out with a gentleman and be wowed and treated like a lady.

 

Lastly for all ladies, deal with your insecurities, lies, hurt, and all those emotional trash that you carry. Or you will only attract men who are on revenge missions or cassanova’s with no other agenda than to hit that spot. Because I will pray so hard that God keep all the good men from you all, yes I will.

 

P.S Constant need for attention only makes you feel unworthy, Hereby making your loved one feel obligated to give you what you crave. Its temporal and like a drug you will be back for more. Draining him/her emotionally. Love your self honey.

I will write again soon. Till then live each day like your life depended on it.

 

Happy new year.

 

With love

Anonymous. 

WRONG OFFERINGS

Have you ever felt like nobody appreciates you, like if something isn’t done about it your world might crumble, you feel like you have given too much of your all. Well lets pause and think about the other person(s) in the equation,The all you feel you are supposedly giving, Is the person getting anything of great value from that stuff you feel you are giving him/her…….we humans tend to think that if we do what we feel is right or corroborates with the story we are telling our consciences then we automatically are the right one in the equation. Please note that you really are not giving anything unless the person perceives value in what you are giving him/her
I would like you to pause and stop saying these words “i gave him/her my all” and this is what i get<<<<<<<<<<< that statement in itself is arrogant, self-glorifying and lazy. Cause in the cause of you giving have you ever stopped to wonder is this person getting anything from what am dishing out, because as humans our value system differ. What you value cannot be what i place so much value in. I might just see it as something that you ought to do one human to another or rather something you do virtuously or conscientiously. Anybody in some sort of relationship can relate to this, That you are giving anything doesn’t mean you are giving the right things.
I can remember there was this friendship i had with a girl back then and it was like i was the one always doing the calling, trying to have deep connections with her and thinking we were enjoying each other’s company. Only after a while i realized that what she perceived as values was not having deep connections with me, she needed someone she could have fun with, go out every other day and get wasted on partying. She loved the fast life; the spotlight, peeps that could make her feel cool….while i loved staying home every other day listening to songs and getting domesticated, because our value systems were different….. It took me a while to understand that, it doesn’t make me hate her as a person I just needed to accept her the way she was, but the truth was staring me in the face and all i needed to do was accept that this is who my friend was/is…. It helped me in understanding humans in general, you don’t have to go about thinking oh i could change this person (that thought in itself is rude) with time all you have to do is realize that both parties are different individuals with separate value systems. Learn to appreciate the differences between the both of you and evolve together, hopefully the said person might either learn from you or allow you into their space and ask for your opinion only then would you be able to say all you want to say with love. If only men and women could understand this lil fact then we wouldn’t have a society filled with broken marriages/relationships/friendships/personalities and bitter people (add unhappy to the equation)
So i would like to advice that you get to know a person before you start giving your supposed all so that at the end of the day you don’t end up wasted, torn, and emotionally tired. Also ensure that you both are headed in the same direction if not you are sure headed for series of heart breaks and a life filled with sadness and regret. If you are already in this kinda situation, i would like to say pause and think of all the things you are doing wrong,stop feeling lonely and dejected am sure the other person would open up if u only stop to listen to those silent message he/she has been sending out,From there its only one place things are headed and that is to get better.Thanks for your feedback in advance.

LOVE SUZANNE

CONFUSION

I really dont know where to start,not knowing what ma blog should be about.am getting insights from other bloggers and its very helpfull and would like to say that by this months end it would be ready